Wednesday, January 19, 2005

is this thing on? check one two huh huh.

so it's been a while. a whole long while. 4 seasons, in fact. we've had joy, we've had fun, we've had seasons in the sun. currently vancouver is experiencing torrential flooding. the "monsoon" (my apologies to people in countries that actually have a real monsoon season) followed over a week's worth of snow that vancouverites didn't know what to do with. salt? there's no salt in granola. hence, the city was a giant ice field.

simple math: a million inches of rain + a million inches of ice = a giant mess.

in good news, i am escaping. wheeeeeeee! as of monday i'll be saying "good morning vietnaaaaaam!" well i probably won't be saying that out loud, but i will be saying it inside my head. myself and the lovely catherine will be landing our hot (and they WILL be hot) asses in Ho Chi Minh City for a 3 week holiday in Vietnam. heck yeah.

i'm guessing that we won't be spending quite as much time in internet cafes as i did in new zealand (i should've kept my receipts, for the shame of it all) but if the opportunity arises, i may try to post the odd blog entry. and i'll be keeping a journal with pen and paper (how novel!) that i will transcribe to blog upon my return. well, except for the embarrassing bits. or rather, ESPECIALLY the embarrassing bits.

that's all, really. i just wanted to put you in the loop. and make sure i still knew how to blog.
peace out!

Friday, January 21, 2005

I knew there was a reason I loved SpongeBob SquarePants.

Thanks to mom for sending the following article... let's all join in and spread the sin!

Conservative Christian groups slam SpongeBob
Critics say character spreads homosexuality among children
Tom Leonard
Daily Telegraph
January 21, 2005

NEW YORK -- Conservative Christian groups in the United States have found a new sinner to rage against: SpongeBob SquarePants.

To his young fans and Nickelodeon, the television channel that broadcasts his escapades, SpongeBob is a sea sponge who lives with his pet snail, Gary. According to Nickelodeon, his "enthusiasm about just about everything makes him downright irresistible."

But not to organizations such as Focus on the Family and the American Family Association, which insist that the character is spearheading an insidious campaign to spread homosexuality among children.

" Does anybody here know SpongeBob?" James Dobson, Focus on the Family's founder, asked guests this week at a dinner in Washington for Republican congressmen and other political allies. Dobson accused SpongeBob's creators of enlisting him in a "pro-homosexual video" in which he appeared alongside fellow children's television characters such as Barney and Jimmy Neutron. The makers of the video planned to send it to primary schools to promote a "tolerance pledge" that includes tolerance for differences of "sexual identity."

Critics say SpongeBob's complicity in the spreading of sin is proved by the knowledge that he is already a well-established gay icon -- supposedly because he holds hands with his sidekick, Patrick, and they like to watch an imaginary television show called The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.

24 hours til departure. i'm spinny.

so i'm in the midst of doing laundry, and i look outside and there's a kitty cat all curled up on the part of the patio that's right outside the laundry room window. awwww. he's all fluffy and snuggled in right against the house, with his head tucked under the window ledge. so cute.

i walk up to the window to get a better look at the fella... he sure is a big kitty... with a striped tail... sleeping in the middle of the day... um... wait a second.

raccoon.

i back away slowly, fearing that he might wake up and hurl himself through the glass to attack me with his vicious claws!

and then he stops breathing. and i'm thinking, dead raccoon rotting on my patio for 3 weeks while i'm away? no thanks. so i knock on the window. he starts breathing again, then lifts his head, stares straight at me and scratches an itch behind his ear. i telepathically apologize for waking him and explain that i was just concerned for his well-being. he goes back to sleep.

it appears as though i have a new pet.

we won't be snuggling.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

singapore... la la la la la la la singapore...

well part 1 of the journey to vietnam is done. thank gad!

we flew to seoul (11 hours) with 3 little shitstain kids behind us, kicking our chairs the whole way. they were part of a big school group (i'd guess they were around 10 years old), and we tried to get them to not kick us, but apparently that was how they were going to entertain themselves. like the in-seat movie screens with 35 movies, tv shows and video games wasn't entertaining enough?

then, about an hour before we arrived in seoul, the woman next to me decided to do her nails. the fumes were... ugh. why? why??

anyway. we landed in seoul, which has the freakiest airport ever. it's so perfectly clean and tidy and quiet and empty. it was a short stopover, just enough time to pee in the cleanest bathroom in the world, and then go back through security. there was a little box in each bathroom stall with a buzzer to call for an "attendant". i don't even want to know.

the flight from seoul to singapore was much more peaceful. the people behind us didn't take any pleasure in kicking our chairs, so we were actually able to sleep a bit. i watched the princess diaries part 2. quality viewing. i also spent much of the flight farting in my chair. we like to call it "chair-tooting". let's just say it's a good thing the airplane is so noisy. (for those of you who are reading my blog for the first time, you'll get many bathroom reports along the way - exciting, i know!)

singapore airlines has been amazing!! they gave us too much food and too much entertainment and sent us right to the hotel which was lovely. now we're just waiting to get on our flight to ho chi minh (free internet in the airport!), and onward we shall go.

it's lovely and hot and humid here and it's so nice to see palm trees and flowers in bloom. :)
sorry.

that's all for now. hope everyone is groovy.

peace out,
luv avi

Monday, January 24, 2005

hello. we're in vietnam. VIETNAM. seriously.

the last 24 hours here have been absolutely incredible. we landed at the airport in ho chi minh city yesterday and managed to get through the throngs of men trying to get us into their taxis for the bargain price of $10. apparently the hotel we had chosen was "closed". riiiight. it wasn't (it was full though, so we found a room down the street). we got a metered taxi downtown for about $6. and what an introduction to the city!

the traffic is... i don't even know how to describe it. you've got about 6 lanes of motorcycles (i use the word "lane" lightly), cars, bicycles, and any other form of transport on wheels. there are no traffic lights, no stop signs, it's just constantly moving. horns honk all the time, but not in an angry get-outta-my-goddamn-way kind of way, more just like "hey, i'm here, i'm moving." at first it was fucking SCARY, but after a little while, you kind of (kind of) get used to it, and it all seems very zen-like. everything is in constant motion, you can join in and leave at any time, but you just can't stop.

(short aside to note that there is a fluffy little white dog sniffing my shoe. some of the dogs here are funny - they look like mutts cross-bred with weiner dogs. short and stubby!)

we're right in the middle of the backpacker hood, on the 4th floor, with a lovely balcony overlooking the busy-ness down below. it really is hard to describe, but it's busy and noisy and beautiful. people are super friendly (they often want to sell something - a ride on a motorcycle, gum, tiaras with flashing lights, cigarettes, books... - but graciously accept "no thank you" and a smile).

we decided to wander around the city last night. we got lost. totally totally lost. luckily cat had the map in her bag and we managed to find our way home in the end, with no problems other than the new blister on my foot (stupid new shoes).
lessons learned:
- ho chi minh was NOT built on a grid.
- tourists sometimes do leave District 1, just not intentionally.
- don't wear new shoes when you're about to get lost.
- when crossing the road with 20 lanes of motorbikes coming from all directions, stay close to the people who look like they know what they're doing.
- wherever you are, you're never too far from a store that sells skanky boots.

the locals definitely enjoy the time-honoured tradition of "watch whitey try and cross the street". it seems to be a bit of a sport.

the other thing i've learned is that it pays to know the address, not just the name, of the restaurant/travel agent/hotel you're looking for. seems like some entrepreneurs are capitalizing on the success of other businesses by opening something similar next door and stealing the name. interesting.

it's about a million degrees here and i've been enjoying the pineapple shakes a great deal. the food too has been incredible so far - this morning we had pancakes with banana and chocolate sauce. hello! also accidentally ordered a coffee - which i DRANK. and ENJOYED. weird, eh?

we spent this morning wandering through a market where everything you may ever need (and so much more) was for sale. beautiful fabrics and clothing, cheesy american knock-offs, flowers, kitchen stuff, and food. including brain and heart. sitting in the 30 degree heat. YUM.

afterwards we were stopped by a vietnamese guy who wanted to know if we could help him with his french lesson. he opened his notebook to the section on "medical phrases". yikes. way beyond what we know. he then asked us a bit about where we were from, and if we believe in god... and the conversation went downhill from there. apparently because we don't speak enough french, we have no hope. jesus died for our sins, you know.

not following the connection? join the club.

the heat is exhausting and the keyboard is sticky. we're about to head back to the hotel before we venture out to the war crimes museum (they changed the name to "war remnants" a while ago, but really, let's call it like it is), reunification palace and a few other touristy places. tomorrow we're taking a tour to the cu chi tunnels and to a cao dai temple. the day after is the start of our 3-day mekong delta adventure... and then we're off to the beach resort. booyeah.

hope everyone is well and staying warm and dry. i'm sweating enough for all of us.

love and kisses,
avilicious

Thursday, January 27, 2005

[note: i backdated this blog by a day so it makes more sense as it appears on the page - but i'm really writing this on jan. 28th. i think. dates and times are really a blur.]

hello from the sweat capital of the world... my armpits.

let's see if i can pick up where we left off... we ended up missing the war crimes/remnants museum in Ho Chi Minh - just not enough time in the day for everything. we did go to the reunification palace though, the place where the South Vietnamese government had their grand central war room, before they were overthrown by the Communists. it's a rather swank place, most of it has been kept as it was, and they now use it as a tourist museum and for large meetings and other events. the highlights were the theatre, casino and dance room - all total throwbacks to james bond-esque 1960's plush. bow chicka wowow.

by the end of our day of walking around the entire city, we were both feeling pretty pollutioned-out (bad fumes + humidity = ouch), and glad we were leaving HCMC. We got up bright and early (with enough time for banana chocolate pancakes, pinapple shakes and mmmmm coffee) and headed to the tour office to catch our bus to the Cu Chi tunnels and Cao Dai temple. 2.5 hours on the bus and we finally arrived at the temple. Cao Dai is the 3rd most common religion in Vietnam (Buddhism & Catholicism are the top 2). it's a mix of mainly Buddhist, Taoist and Christian religions, plus a few others thrown in for good measure. the worshippers wear robes in either blue, red or yellow, depending on which of the 3 main religions they are, or white, as it contains all colours. it's a fairly young religion - started in the 1920's, i think - and believes that the supreme being has shown itself in many ways over time... as Jesus, Buddha and Mohammed, and more recently as Shakespeare and a few other interesting folks. It's an attempt to "unite all worshippers by demonstrating their fundamental sameness" - a unique philosophy when it comes to religion, I'd say.

The temple we went to is the biggest in Vietnam, and is within a huge gated area of land, with houses, agriculture, etc. Caodaists pray 4 times a day, at 6am, noon, 6pm and midnight. Outside, the temple was covered with pictures of the "all-seeing" eye, and inside there were 3 statues - Victor Hugo, Sun-Yat Sen and a Vietnamese poet laureate. It's all very bright and colourful inside - the ceilings are bright blue, with fluffy white clouds painted on, and silver stars cut out and stuck on. And yes, it's as bright and gaudy as it sounds, but seemed to be a rather joyous place, especially when you think of Christian churches and how freakin morose they are with the bummed out bleeding Jesus etc.

so that's the good news. the bad news is that we're tourists.

there were about 6 busloads of tourists who piled in just before the noon hour prayers, and we all trundled into the temple to watch. it felt very intrusive, and some of the tourists were so fucking disrespectful that if we weren't inside a temple during a religious ceremony, i would've quite happily thrown them over the balcony. there was a whole lot of talking and laughing and walking back and forth and bumping things and generally making a shitload of noise. for some reason the tour buses all wanted to leave before the prayers were over, so we all had to walk out part way through. it was definitely an "i'm embarrassed to be a tourist" moment.

ugh.

we then hauled our asses back on the bus to the Cu Chi tunnels. these are the tunnels that the Viet Cong used during the war. it's a rather amazing story of survival and resourcefulness (they built many many kilometers of these tunnels, tiny and totally hidden in the forest, from the Cambodian border to the Saigon river). they even built rooms - hospitals, kitchens, etc. and through sheer ingenuity managed to keep the American soldiers out. Well, that and the fact that the Vietnamese are, for the most part, tiny tiny people, and the fat Americans would get stuck going into the tunnels. Just like one guy on our tour did. He managed to wedge his fat Australian ass into the tunnel (even though our guide told him not to push), and then with gravity against him, couldn't pull himself back out. genius. with the help of 3 people pulling (the rest of us standing around shaking our heads), he did manage to wedge his ass back out, but his pride was left back in the tunnel. we feared his pants would be too, but luckily they came out still attached.

the tour of the tunnels went down hill from there. we proceeded on to a display of all the booby traps ("this is how we kill americans!") and then the shooting range, where for only one american dollar, you can purchase 5 bullets to shoot at a target. the whole glorification of the war, regardless of who was fighting and who was "winning", made me feel kind of dirty.

we did finish the tour on a good note though - they have one tunnel that they let tourists squirm through, and i managed to get my fat canadian ass out safely. phew.

and that was the end of our "tourists suck" day.

Friday, January 28, 2005

after our Cu Chi/Cao Dai non-adventure, we started the 3-day Mekong Delta tour. It began with a bus ride out to the Delta, along with many of the folks from the previous day's tour (some were doing a 1 or 2 day tour, and some were heading to Cambodia). We boarded a boat and headed out on the water at the Cai Be floating market. the geography in this area is so stunning - just like you see in photos - with bright green rice paddies, and women farming with their cone-shaped hats; banana, coconut and mystery-fruit trees; all really lush and healthy looking. it's been a much appreciated break from the insanity that is Ho Chi Minh City.

We were too late arriving at the floating market to see much activity, but just being out on the water surrounded by boats and stilt houses, and to see what life is like on the Delta, was very interesting. We then visited a place where we learned how to make coconut candy, puffed rice (so cool!) and caramel corn. While the treats were indeed tasty, it did feel like we were cattle being herded through a tourist trap.

After that we headed back on the boats for a longer tour of the area. Small problem in the equation though: heavy tourists + low tide = boat motor stuck at the bottom of the river. a bunch of us had to sit on the front of the boat to weigh it down (catherine generously added her 3 pounds) so that the motor at the back would be high enough, and we managed to crawl along to lunch. the food was rank (meat, meat and more meat), but they had hammocks under a thatched canopy thing that we were able to relax in. ahhhhh yeah nothin like laying in a hammock on a sweltering hot day and doing nothing but sipping a cold drink.

i'm thinking of you all in the frozen north, really, i am.

we spent a little while longer in the boat, then piled back on the bus for a long 4 hour ride to Chau Doc - a small town near the Cambodian border. we got into town at 8pm (it gets dark early here), and checked into our cell of a hotel room. no windows, skanky sheets... we were not happy girls. but this stuff is all pre-arranged through the tour company, and at 8pm in a small town it's pretty hard to sort out something else. so we thought we'd console ourselves in dinner. the tour guide had made plans for us all to go to this one restaurant, but we had had enough of being herded around as such a huge group, so we went out on our own. after wandering down the one street with restaurants (and none of them looked very appetizing), we ended up at a street stall. a few nods and smiles and next thing we knew, we were sitting at at table under a mosquito-infested lightbulb with big bowls of noodles and skanky smelling fish guts. ay ay ay. the bugs were flying fast and furious, our food tasted like ass, we were tired and grumpy and dirty and we weren't sure how to get out of that without offending anyone.

we decided that quickly offending the chef and then running away was a better option than the problems we'd face in the no-window hotel room if we continued eating. so we paid, ran off, and joined the group at the restaurant. i had a coke - thought it might rot away any of the fish guts that had made their way into my stomach. we greatly enjoyed 2 finger-sized bananas - such a reliable tasty treat! then we headed back to the hotel and i ate some of my dry emergency crackers.

see, it's not all good times in hammocks.

we went back to our cell and survived the night without catching anything (that we know of, yet). had another extremely early start and headed back on the tour bus, but only for a short ride to the Mekong where we got on these little rowboats. it seemed a tad sketchy at first, but our rower was a lovely young woman and she rocked! or rather, she ruled. she actually managed to hardly rock the boat at all while we were in it, and i survived a nearly 2 hour boat ride without wanting to puke! along the way we got to see a fish farm (yeah, not so exciting for the girl from the west coast) and were herded through a small village.

after that we ditched the folks who were carrying on to Cambodia, and climbed up a small mountain to an incredibly beautiful Buddhist temple. we were allowed inside - it was so peaceful and calm and amazing. the view was awesome, we could see all the way over to Cambodia (actually rather close - just 2 rice paddies away). a little kid who had followed us up took catherine and i to an area of the temple that was kind of hidden from the main path. it was a totally incredible place to be (words seem cheesy).

one thing we've noticed since being out of Ho Chi Minh (which many people in the south call Saigon, interestingly enough) is that people, especially children, are soooooo friendly. in Saigon they were friendly because they wanted to sell you something, but outside of the city they are just really curious and want to interact and practice their english. we'll be walking down a street and the kids will all look at us and we'll smile and they'll say "hello what is your name". it's really quite lovely to be somewhere where people are so friendly. i'm guessing that my answer to "what is your name" may be throwing them for a bit of a loop, but it's all good!

we then headed back to the bus and started our long ride to Can Tho. stopped along the way at a crocodile farm. not my favourite part of the tour... the 3 big german shepherds in a small cage really made me cringe. in an attempt to put a silver-lining on that cloud, i'll just let you know that the bathrooms were really clean, and i enjoyed them a great deal.

Can Tho (where we're at right now) is a really really nice city. we got in just before 5pm, and were able to walk around and get a feel for the area before it got dark. it's right on the water and the big draw is the floating market (which we'll see in the morning). there's also a very impressive market downtown, on land - there are so many beautiful flowers in bloom (orchids! orchids!!) and tons of colourful fruit. and our hotel room here is actually quite nice - not only do we have a window, but clean sheets too! we had an amaaaaazingly delicious dinner, with the best fresh watermelon juice EVER. we even found an internet cafe with non-sticky keyboards. good times.

after the market tomorrow, we ditch the tour and head out on our own to Rach Gia, where we fly to Phu Quoc (hello, beaches) for 4 glorious days. i promise we won't be packing as many activities into our days there - the blog will be much shorter. hopefully something along the lines of "woke up late. lay in hammock. drank fruit shake. napped. had a swim to cool down. lay in the sun to dry off. moved back to the hammock. napped. ate dinner. more fruity drinks." etc.

later homies!

Monday, January 31, 2005

i am experiencing EXTREME TROUBLE WITH BLOGGER. it's really irritating. can someone make it work? thanks.

first i'd just like to make a few shout outs to the blog readers - word up to simon, old school fan number one of the OG (original gangsta) blog. good to have you back on board. and to jamie, even though i'm a bitch for being somewhere hot. thanks for the nice email. it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. warm. really, really warm.

now, where were we? ah yes, Can Tho. well, we went on our final leg of the pre-planned tour of the Mekong Delta, to the Can Tho floating market. it was pretty cool - tons and tons of boats, full of all sorts of stuff (fruit, veggies, flowers, cold drinks to the tourists who can't handle the heat, etc etc), cruising along in this very tightly packed part of the river. it was kind of like the traffic in Ho Chi Minh, but without the honking of horns. boats were full of mainly one kind of thing - like an entire boat of pineapple, or watermelon, or tomatoes... pretty amazing what people are able to pack into a small space. and the exchange was fun to watch too - watermelons being lobbed from one boat to the next 2 by 2. delicious.

we cruised along the Mekong for quite a while after that, and stopped at an orchard where we had a lovely break in their shady garden. enjoyed some thirst-quenching coconut juice (you drill a hole into the coconut and then stick in a straw) and many finger-sized bananas. 8, in fact.

our boat headed back to Can Tho, and we docked and started walking back towards the bus. about 3 blocks later we realized we had lost the back-half of our tour group. we waited, and waited, and waited... our guide, Tin, went back to find out where the hell they were. finally, they came along... looking fine, except for the one older woman on our tour, who looked a tad wet. like she had fallen into the Mekong Delta on her way out of the boat. oooooh. that's gotta suck.

we had lunch and ditched our tour group for the "mini bus" ride to Rach Gia, that Tin had arranged for us. we were picked up in this mini-mini-van by two young fellows, who we immediately introduced ourselves to (Catherine pointed to the "What is your name" part of the phrase book, and they replied in near-perfect english), thinking we were going to be spending the next several hours with them. and what luxury! we had visions of a bus packed with people and chickens (we thoughtfully dubbed it "the chicken bus") and avian flu, and here we were in this small comfy vehicle, just the 4 of us, rather cosy on our way to Rach Gia.

it was perfect.

until we pulled into the bus station. the boys screeched up to the real chicken bus, threw our bags into the back, and pushed us into the front row. my bag seemed to not fit at the back of the bus, so it was pushed up on the seat with us. we were then charged for 3 tickets... 3... but there were only 2 of us. in arguing with the ticket woman, we held up 2 fingers, pointed at ourselves, and then at the 3 tickets. she jabbed her finger at catherine, me, and then... my bag. apparently my bag was being charged for its own seat. well, in that case we thought, at least we'd have some space beside us, if we were being charged for Baggy McBaggerson (surely he deserves a name if he has to have his own ticket!). it wasn't THAT bad, really, the 2 of us plus the bag on a 3 seater bench. we'd survive the trip.

that was before the last 2 passengers got on, and sat next to catherine. Baggy ended up half on my lap, half on the bump between my feet and the driver's seat. the 2 new passengers got on and squeezed in next to catherine. while there were no actual chickens, we did feel rather cooped up (ahhhhhahahahahahaha good one)... and our chicken bus had come to life.

i've never been so grateful for the smallness of catherine's ass.

the 2 fellows beside catherine were looking at some kind of magazine which had a bunch of pictures of all the big stars and their eye-shadow treatments. catherine thought it was a group of drag queens dressed up as big stars, and our conversation with the fellows began. their english was quite good, and we had a few laughs (especially when Baggy even got his own water bottle!). at our rest stop along the way, they very generously bought us iced coffees. communication seemed to flow very well, except at one point, it went a little like this.

Catherine: "why are you going to Rach Gia?"
Boy #1: (not understanding)
Catherine: "you're going to Rach Gia - why?"
Boy #1: "I'm a singer"
Catherine and Avi: "oooooooooooh! a singer!" (very excited)
Boy #1: "A bachelor"
Catherine: "a bachelor? oh. Bachelor. oooooh. you're SINGLE?"
Boy #1. "yes. no wife."
Catherine and Avi: "ooooooh." (clearly disappointed)
Avi to Catherine: "he's going to Rach Gia to find a wife?"

What had REALLY transpired was that when Catherine said "you're going to Rach Gia - why?", he thought she said "you're going to Rach Gia - wife?"

after our clear disappoinment at finding out he was single, and not a singer, we did manage to recover the conversation, and made it to Rach Gia in one piece. They turned out to be going to Rach Gia for work (they worked in cement, though probably not literally). They very kindly helped us figure out where to get off the bus, and then in the middle of this rather small town with no taxis in sight, other than the constant offers to get on the back of someone's motorbike (with our huge packs!), they actually called us a taxi on Boy #1's cell phone. we would've been really pooched if they hadn't been there and been so kind.

we made it to the hotel in Rach Gia, so far the nicest hotel yet. really a lovely lovely hotel. the room was spacious, and the bathroom... oh the bathroom! it had a BATHTUB! which makes it many times nicer than my bathroom at home. i had a much-needed soak and scrubbed the chicken-bus grime off of my body. we headed out to a restaurant on the river, a rather fancy place where the cute little waiters wore bow-ties! we ordered a seafood "fire pot", which meant that we got a little gas stove element on our table, with veggies and broth in the pot, and a fresh plate of seafood and greens to pour into it and watch cook (one of the cute little waiter boys had to show us how to do it). you put the pre-cooked noodles into your bowl first, then once the soup is cooked, ladle some of that in. oh man, was it tasty. the squid was so fresh it wasn't even chewy. and the prawns... mmmmmmm. we were clean, well fed, and finally on our way to the beach paradise.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

[note that i pre-dated the last blog entry again. sorry. i think it makes it easier to read.]

after a brief panic in our hotel, waiting for the taxi that was "on its way" for 20 minutes, we made it to the airport. the tiny tiny airport, just outside of Rach Gia. we "checked in", then went through "security", and waited in the "boarding area". (i put all of this in quotes because it's all so tiny - just like the finger-sized bananas.)

we walked across the tarmac to our 60-person plane, which was barely 1/3 full. towards the end of our the half hour flight, we could see the sandy beaches and blue waters of Phu Quoc. the middle of the island is really forested, there's one small town, and the rest is just beaches and resorts. ahhhhhhhh.

we were greeted at the airport by many small men wanting us to stay at their resort which clearly was the best! resort! ever! we found the guys with the brochures to the resort we had booked at, and they hauled our giant bags (i think my bag was as tall as the guy carrying it) into a mini-van, and we were off. one of the greeters sat behind us and sang most of the way. very sweet.

we drove through the town and into the strip of resorts, til we came to ours. i can't even explain how lovely it is. we're staying in a sea-side bungalow, which is literally 3 steps up from the beach. from our patio, it's about 20 metres to the water, and between our patio and the water are some trees and thatched beach umbrellas with chairs that you can relax in when you need to cool off. and there are hardly any people around!

pretty much all we've done so far is walk on the sand, swim in the ocean (it's so warm it feels like a pool of pee), drink watermelon juice, eat seafood, nap (a whole lotta napping), get sunburnt because i'm such an idiot that i think swimming and walking down the beach for an hour at noon on our first day here without sunscreen is a GOOD IDEA, recover from the sunburn in the shade, read (just finished Life of Pi - SO GOOD!!), nap more, drink more fruity juice, fall asleep in the shade, watch the German lady in the big white thong (ewwwww), nap, have breakfast on the beach, drink coffee (i might be addicted - it has sweetened condensed milk in it!), and nap some more.

the sand is perfect and golden, the water is crystal clear (i can see my white legs glowing!), it really is a beach paradise. and there's hardly anyone around. i can't figure out why.

there is the odd reminder of reality - we swam today to the very expensive resort (which doesn't seem nearly as nice as ours, suckers), and on the way there was a shitload of construction where another resort is being built. the buildings look like they'll be quite fancy, but in the mean time, the people who are working there and doing all of the construction work are living in what looks like many of the poorer areas in many cities here - a shantytown of sorts, with tarps or whatever can be found as a roof, held up by sticks. it's a pretty gross irony that the people who build these places will never be able to come and enjoy them.

for now, at least, there are lots of parts of the island that have yet to be developed into resorts. hopefully there will be some kind of conservation effort made on the other side of the island (which is apparently even more beautiful than where we're at) so that the people who live here can continue to enjoy the beaches, without the onslaught of fat white asses wedged into thongs.

Friday, February 04, 2005

hello friends.

Shout outs - first, a HUGE SHOUT OUT to my MOM for getting her blood pressure down to that of a teenage girl! GO MOM GO!! also, to my lovely cousin Jacqueline (a meteorite landed in Cambodia? seriously??), amandalin for being her sweet self, katie and luc (stop the biting!), the rest of you who are keeping me up to date on life in the great white north and the gay cartoon news, and the guy with the business opportunity in Ghana. Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass.

Today, we're in Hoi An. Geography lesson #1: Vietnam is a tall, skinny country, and Hoi An is smack in the middle (from top to bottom), and near the coast. We begrudgingly left the oh-so-beautiful island of Phu Quoc after 4 fabulous days of sun. Had our most amazingly delicious meal so far, in Duong Dong, the main town on the island (about 1km from the resort), right after I blogged the last time. We then took our first motorbike ride back to the hotel. SCARY! The poor man who was driving me had deep grooves in his shoulders from my white-knuckle grip, and Catherine's driver nearly peed his pants laughing at the look on my face.

And to think I jumped out of a plane once. I was just a foolish child back then.

Our plan was to fly from Phu Quoc to Saigon, then out on the next flight to Danang, from where we'd get a taxi to drive us the 30km to Hoi An. We had 2 hours in between flights, which would've been plenty of time... except for the 1.5 hour delay on our flight out of Phu Quoc. The airline person at Phu Quoc airport didn't seem to think it would be a problem, she was going to have our bags sent straight through to Danang so we would just have to get our boarding passes in Saigon and go.

It was a nice idea.

We arrived in Saigon, booted it into the departures area, and went straight to the "no baggage check-in". They took our tickets, punched something into the computers, and then much chatter ensued among the employees at the desk. While Catherine and I have been practicing our Vietnamese, we aren't exactly fluent yet, so I jokingly said "they've given away our seats and are trying to figure out what to tell us." ha. haha.

Maybe my Vietnamese is better than I think.

We were oh-so-p0litely told that because we didn't re-confirm our flight (didn't seem to matter that we had just booked it 7 days earlier), they had given our seat away. And our bags? Yes, our bags were on their way to Danang. We should talk to a representative at the other desk.

Seems that in some places, an angry, hot, frustrated, white (with a red glow, or heat rash) face will get you to the front of the mob gathered around a desk, even when it's not your turn. After thinking about all the times that others had shoved in front of me through my life, and the patience I maintained with them, I decided to go with it. The "representative" (a tired and frustrated looking young woman in a signature Vietnam Airlines pink dress) punched a bunch of stuff into her computer, wrote something on the back of my ticket, and told us to go back and check in. We would be on the next flight out to Danang, only 1.5 hours later.

So we went back to the check-in counter, got our boarding passes, and headed up to the departure lounge. From there we phoned a hotel in Hoi An, who not only would save us a room until we got there after 9pm, but would also send a taxi drive to pick us up! Catherine gave them her name and we were set. Things were looking up.

Then the sweet young woman who gave us our boarding passes came up to us and wanted to check our baggage tags. Maybe our bags weren't in Danang after all? She didn't say much - just wanted to confirm that there were only 2 bags. 1 each. yes. Hmm.

We then enjoyed delicious airport food and the spiciest! chilis! ever! We both ordered noodle soup, which was good but a tad on the bland side. so I thought I'd pop 3 little slices of chili in. I stirred, ate, and nearly passed out. Hauled the chilis back out of my bowl and carried on with my no-longer-bland soup. Catherine, thinking I was a big spice wuss, put 2 little slices of chili into her soup. She stirred it around, took a bite, and started choking. I thought I was going to have to give her the heimlich manouver - and if any of you have started choking in my presence, you'll know that there was a strike at my high school the week we were supposed to learn that! All I know is how to go up to someone and say "Are you choking?" The rest is a mystery, hidden behind picket lines.

Luckily, she recovered from the spice attack, but we're still wondering what was in those little beasts that made the entire bowl of soup so incredibly HOT, even after they'd been taken out.

Maybe it'll be on unsolved mysteries. I'd do a re-enactment if they asked me.

We got to the gate and handed over our boarding passes, and were again asked how many bags we had. yes, still only 2. All of this was making me slightly nervous, but really, what can you do? Other than think about all the very small people who live in this country and how none of their clothes would fit me and I'd have to wear a custom-made mumu for the rest of the trip if my bags got lost.

The good news is that our bags arrived on the same flight with us, and no one here will have to suffer through seeing me in a mumu. At Danang airport there was a lovely fellow with a sign that read "Cherine". I will be calling Catherine that for the rest of the trip. It has a lovely ring to it, don't you think?

We arrived safe and sound (and tired and itchy - my ankles are covered in mosquito bites) in Hoi An, at our hotel right on the river. I get the big bed this time. Booyeah.

Hoi An is a lovely little town, the streets covered with tailor shops that will make you any piece of custom-made clothing within 24 hours. While we were told it would be cooler up here, it's not. Gives a new definition to sweat shop.

There's one whole street that's just shoe store after shoe store, full of damn cute shoes, that will also be custom made to fit your feet. We stopped at one place for Cherine to look at some shoes, and were ushered inside to sit in their plastic chairs. I was given a cataloge of stiletto boots to look through (just my style!) while Cherine had her feet drawn and measured. I didn't realize until I tried to stand up just how child-sized (or, finger-banana sized) the plastic chair was. It rose with me as I stood up, gracefully attached to my ass.

This is probably my karma for making fun of the German thong lady. I bet there's even a German tourist here who has just blogged about the Canadian girl who got her ass stuck in a plastic chair.

While Cherine was sorting out fabric and measurements to have a suit made for Mike, I wandered down to get some postcards. I asked in one store and was whisked away into the market where i was given a stack of some of the ugliest postcards I have ever seen. Having not yet attended the "How To Say No" workshop, I bought a totally overpriced set and scurried away. Did I mention how ugly they are? One is an arial view of roofs. The roofs here are not pretty.

June 13, 1975: another sucker is born.

We had pizza for lunch. It was really good.

Tomorrow we will be doing a walking tour of the city - UNESCO has proclaimed Hoi An to be a World Heritage site (I'm not sure if that has any merit, but it sounds cool) and there are a bunch of old things to see. Then we head up to Hue (bus or train, not sure yet) from where we will catch our (re-confirmed later today) flight to Hanoi. 4 days there, which will hopefully include a visit to Uncle Ho in the Mausoleum and a party for Tet (Vietnamese New Year), and then we start the dreaded journey home. I'm trying not to think about it.

That's all for now. Later homies.
avi g.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

hello good people.

i like the shout outs. when people read the shout outs and their name isn't there, they get inspired to send me an e-mail. this is nice. plus, i get to do "shout outs". as if.

so, shout outs today: to my lovely cousin Leah for spewing diet coke all over her keyboard from reading my last blog entry (to me, that defines success), benjamin because i'm not within phone distance for squeeeeeeing about the latest episode of scrubs, and josh who has been keeping me in the loop regularly even though i'm a jerk for not giving him a shout out earlier.

we're leaving Hoi An in a couple of hours to head to Hue... after hopefully our last transportation boo boo of the trip. we ended up at this little travel agent kind of place on Friday night with the nicest man ever (shout out to Mr. Truc!), and we were so engrossed in conversation with him that we didn't notice he put the wrong date on our bus ticket. oops. so in a panic last night we tried to change it to this morning, as it was supposed to be, but there were no seats available, so we're heading out this afternoon. just means we'll only have a morning to check out Hue before flying up to Hanoi. so it goes, really.

Geography lesson #2 (actually a history lesson): Hoi An is near My Lai. Those of you who know some stuff about the American war (as it's called here) know about the My Lai massacre. Those of you who don't, should read up on it - it's a horrendous piece of history. you've probably seen the famous photo of women and children's bodies lying strewn on a dirt road - that's My Lai. anyway i can't imagine going to visit the memorial site, but maybe it would be a good thing for anyone contemplating joining the military.

a less horrendous tourist trip from Hoi An would be to My Son, where you can visit some amazing temples that are over 1000 years old. after hanging out with Mr. Truc and booking our bus ticket, we decided to join him on his 6:00am tour of My Son.

6:00am.
on a Saturday morning.

i don't think i've ever been so happy to have woken up at 5am (i wasn't exactly happy when the alarm went off, but was very happy in hindsight). we got to the site shortly after it opened, around 7am, and appeared to be the first people there. the site is in this lushly forested area (not forests as we know them in BC, but more like full of shrubs, kinda jungle-y) near a "mountain" (hill). it's so green and beautiful and the leaves and flowers here are so cool. you walk in quite a distance until you reach the first temple. they were built by the Cham people who lived in this area from the 2nd century, until they were forced south by the Vietnamese in the 13th century (I think). Back then Vietnam was only the northern part of the country; the south was inhabited by the Khmer people, who were later pushed over the mountains into Cambodia.

anyhoo. the Cham were Hindus, so the temples at My Son are Hindu temples. and like i said, they're over 1000 years old. and they're amazing. when the Vietnamese pushed the Cham people south, they lopped the heads off all the sculptures of Shiva, but otherwise left the temples pretty much as they were. then the jungle grew in over top, and about 900 years passed, until some French dudes uncovered one of the temples. they then brought in hordes of archaeologists and scholars and whatnot and found the entire site.

there were 70 temples at this site originally, in a few different areas (the French romantically named the areas A, B, C, D, E, F, G... gotta love academics). no one could figure out how they had built the temples, as there was no mortar or anything between the bricks. over 100 years of studying that has turned up no answers - the reconstructed bits are wretched in comparison to what was originally there. the French managed to do quite a good job of preserving it, but then the good ole american military came in and bombed the shit out of the area. of the original 70, only 20 remain, and most of those 20 are not in very good shape. there's a lot of construction going on in an attempt to rebuild, or at least maintain what is left, and the site has been proclaimed a World Heritage site by UNESCO, so the funds are flowing in.

there are a few temples you can actually go into. some have the original alters still inside - the altars are made of a male part (a linga, or phallus) and a female part (i can't remember what they're called). the linga sits on top of the female part. apparently holy water was brought down from the holy mountain for the worshippers to "cleanse the linga" with (they poured it and then rubbed it, and no it didn't grow), and then they drank the water which flowed out of a line in the female part.

i know some of you are giggling like 11 year old boys who've just seen a boobie.

anyway, it was really interesting, the sculpture was beautiful, the detail of the temples was incredible, and the entire site just has this whole magical feeling.

it's kind of hard to describe what it was like - part of the magical-ness of it was that we were there so early in the morning, and there were no tourists there other than the 8 of us. part of it was the way Mr. Truc led the tour - he has such a wealth of knowledge about the temples, the history, Hinduism, and he clearly has a passion for the place. part of it is that it's just a totally amazing place. the pictures i took won't do it justice, you'll just all have to come out here and see it for yourselves. at 6:00am. with Mr. Truc.

then we had pants made for us. i love my pants.

everything here is starting to shut down for Tet, so I'm not sure what access will be like in the next little while before we head off. hope you're all doing well, and Chuc Mung Nam Moi! (happy Tet)

peace out,
avi g.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Greetings from Hanoi.

We got ourselves into a bit of a "situation" as Cherine aptly put it. The owners would like to call it a "hotel". Let's just say we checked out this morning after one damp and dingy night and have moved to what feels like a palace. For $3 extra dollars per night, we get a clean room, with clean towels and clean sheets, free internet and a breakfast buffet, and we're somewhat less likely to get mowed down by 50 motorbikes on exiting the front doors.

Hello, paradise.

But before I get too much into this edition of el Bloggo, a shout out and quack to Kim and Liam - YES there are ducks here! Though we've generally been trying to avoid the live poultry (roosters in every market make it a bit of a challenge) there have been many ducks hanging out around people's houses in agricultural areas.

In other avian news, Cherine took a bit of a slide yesterday on some guts. Fish or chicken? Who knows. Luckily she didn't wipe out and land face-first in the avian flu, but it was a close call.

So, last time I left off we were leaving Hoi An. That seems like so long ago... the lovely streets of Hoi An. *sigh* The lovely streets where you could easily blow your entire trip budget on having clothes made for you. Have I mentioned how much I love my pants? I'm still wearing them.

After a delicious bowl of muesli with fruit, yoghurt and honey (oh! my! gawd! so good!), we went up to see Mr. Truc and wait for our bus. The bus was... interesting. It was a tourist bus, not a chicken bus (there were only 2 people expected to share a double seat, as opposed to 3 or 4 adults plus a couple kids and all of their luggage on the local bus) with "A/C" (or, open windows) and seats that recline. Recline seemed to be the only position our seats would go to, and you had to take great care in not pulling on the seat in front of you when you stood up or it would land in your lap.

We drove through the city, picking people up at various hotels along the way, until the bus was full. Then we headed out of the city. Slowly.

The main city just north of Hoi An is Danang (where we flew in from Saigon before taking a cab down to Hoi An - about 30km). The bus stopped there to pick up some more people. Unfortunately there weren't seats for them, so after much arguing we carried on without them. The 5 people sitting in the back row (which was designed to fit 6 very tiny asses) breathed a sigh of relief.

North of Danang is the Hoi Van overpass. Basically what we'd seen of Vietnam so far was very flat - fields and fields of rice paddies, with the occasional hill. The Hoi Van overpass is a mountain of Vancouver standards, that you actually have to drive up and over to get to the other side. It's incredibly beautiful, but like the Sea-to-Sky highway between Vancouver and Whistler, a tad on the treacherous side, especially when you have an insane bus driver and an unwieldly large bus. The view as we started the climb was beautiful. At the bottom of the mountain are little coves with beaches, and the entire mountain is covered in greenery.

And the cliff is steep.

Not very far up the winding curves, we came to a standstill behind a line of other buses. People had gotten out of their buses and were wandering around to see what was going on, some were peeing off the cliff (oh to have that plumbing!) and others were just sitting on the side of the road, waiting. I assumed that a car or truck had broken down and we'd be waiting for a little while. Our bus driver, however, seemed to think that there was no good reason for sitting on the road and waiting, and we should just drive around the long line of buses and pass them.

Yeah, not such a good idea.

We started to drive around (with all of our fellow passengers looking around wondering what the hell the driver was thinking, and people in other buses pointing and laughing at us) until we passed about 3 buses and a huge amount of honking ensued. Surprise, surprise - there was a truck coming the other way, and now we were blocking its path, with nowhere to go.

So we backed up.
Down a mountain.
Next to a steep cliff.

I nearly dropped a load.

We backed up to a few buses further down from where we started, and managed to squeeze back into our lane where we waited until the bus-convoy started to move forward. It was a slow trek up the mountain - what we finally discovered was that a beer truck had turned over on its way down and so only one lane of the road was in use. We alternated, sort of. Most of the "officials" (the few police that were there) seemed less interested in doing any kind of traffic control and more interested in poking around the crates of beer bottles that had ended up on the side of the road.

It was an interesting drive.

Once we got through the traffic mess, the scenery was really spectacular. It was very misty at the top of the mountain, and the greenery was unlike anything I had seen before. These giant vines (looked like a cross between ivy and grape leaves) had grown to cover huge chunks of the trees on the mountainside. The pattern that they made from high up was really beautiful.

We did finally make it to Hue - our 3 hour "express" bus ended up taking about 5 hours, but we made it safe and sound, and checked into our guesthouse down this really cute little alley. The guesthouse owner was very friendly, and had luckily saved us a room. The Let's Go guidebook had given it the "thumbs up" and said that the rooms were "precious". Apparently that's guidebook code for "windowless cell". But we were only staying one night, and our room was only a few steps away from the patio, and it was pretty clean, and we liked the neighbourhood, so it would be fine. Plus we had booked a "really nice hotel" for Hanoi, and we were excited to spend our last few days here in luxury.

Ahhhh yes we were naive.

But before I jump ahead to Hanoi, let me finish Hue. We had also read in the guidebook about this restaurant that was popular with locals and tourists alike, and often visited by foreign chefs. Must be good, we thought. So we made our way there and were greeted like royalty. Apparently we were the only tourists that had made it that far - the many employees that surrounded us as we walked in didn't really seem to know what to do with us. We sat ourselves down at a table (again in a small plastic butt-hugging chair, but this time I knew what to do with it when I tried to stand up) and one of the women working there (the owner maybe?) came over and guided us through the menu. We asked her to choose whatever was best - one shrimp dish, one crab dish and something fishy.

The food was AMAZING.

Feeling very well-fed, we headed back towards our hotel. As we turned down the alley to our guesthouse, we saw a group of kids running around playing and having a good time. When they saw us, they formed a line, started giggling and squealing and joined hands to block us from going past. And our first impromptu game of Red Rover ensued.

After much shrieking we managed to make our way through (as I started to run towards them, the little girls all freaked out and broke the chain themselves before I was able to hurl my body at them) and headed up to our hotel. We left the hotel around noon the next day and headed to the airport to catch our flight to Hanoi. Would've loved another couple of days to explore Hue and see the sights, but alas, time was not on our side.

So it goes.

We made it to the airport and ran into a lovely fellow from Perth who we had seen in Hoi An. Chatted with him for a while (he does environmental policy work for companies - can I get a "Woot Woot!" for policy) til our plane left. An hour later, we were in Hanoi, and were picked up by a cab blasting horrendous dance remixes of Tears for Fears' "Shout". Bad, bad idea.

The traffic in Hanoi is UNSANE. I thought it was bad in Saigon, but this is something else. I'm not sure if it's this bad because of Tet, or if it's always this bad, but whatever, it's pretty horrendous. We're staying in the Old Quarter, the streets are tiny, and there are people flying all over the place on motorbikes (motos, as we call them). You can barely walk out the door of the hotel without getting run down.

Anyway we're now at our much nicer hotel, after lugging our bags up 6 flights of stairs. Tonight is the big Tet party and fireworks display at the Lake (the army started setting up the fireworks area this morning, blocked off with the always-friendly coils of razor wire) and it seems like just about everything is closing for the next couple of days. We will continue to have internet access though, so I'll try and squeeze in a few more updates. I'm going to head off now and scrub the layer of grime off my skin.

peace out,
avi g.

p.s. The Tyee, an alternative BC online newspaper, is running a travelogue by Steve Burgess, who's traveling around Asia. His latest edition is from Hanoi and has a few funny bits in it (good story about poo!), but I was surprised at how negative it is. I added my little comment at the bottom.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

so the fabulous! free! internet! in our hotel went out on Tet, and hasn't come back yet. hence the lack of blogging, and the lack of email responses to those of you who have written. we're in a hotel/restaurant/tour office down the street that has HUGE monitors (compared to the 13" we've been using lately) and speeeeeeedy weeb access. hooray.

we leave Hanoi tomorrow morning. *sigh*

shoutout:
michael - i am afraid of writing to an evil imperialistamerican pig-dog, but i wouldn't classify you as one! i haven't received the other e-mails. booooooo. and the pics will come after i return - i'm a bit of a luddite when it comes to some things (i use real film, that i have to wind, and get developed. strange, i know).
oh, and a thank you to benjamin for letting me know that the female part of the altar at the Cham temples is called the "yoni". and yes, sometimes they rubbed the linga with milk. benjamin, fountain of knowledge.

today we saw Ho's dead body (in the mausoleum). it was creepy.

Tet was unsane. there were zillions of people EVERYWHERE! fun though. will write more later. like, when we get back to Canadia and i have nothing to do but be bummed about the trip being over, drink vietnamese coffee from my fabulous new coffee maker thingies, crank the heat in my apartment and sit around in my underwear, sweating.

*dreamy*

peace out.
catch you on the other side of the international date line.
luv avi

Thursday, February 17, 2005

it's hard to be back.

i have lots to write about, but i'm not feeling very inspired since i returned to pacific standard time. my body is completely fucked up - i was awake from 2am to 4am this morning, unable to fall back asleep. and i feel like a wreck. ugh.

anyway, to keep you entertained, i'm posting a little story that i got in an email from my friend reese the day after valentine's (stupid, evil holiday). it made me chuckle. reese works at a big grocery store.

" my work hosted a customer's singles night last night. and being the lucky person i am, i had to work during the partay. there was a dj and free snacks. the dj played nothing but late 90's soft rock ballads. and he got quite grumpy when i requested some metallica. but i *did* witness a couple of singles meet in front of the beef display (nothing says lovin like raw cow). they talked for hours and exchanged numbers at the end of the night. it was quite nice. warmed my heart, actually."

awwww. raw meat and 90's soft rock. *dreamy*
thanks reese!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

so i've been slammed with a flu for the last week. avian, probably. no not really. maybe i should stop joking about that til it goes away though.

i got my trip photos developed today. i did a lot of thinking while we were on the road and when i first got back about what things i would take with me on the next trip, and what things i would leave behind. i definitely could've used another couple of tshirts. and i haven't totally sorted out the shoe issue yet. my new pyjama pants were probably the best thing i took with me. and now i've sorted out what i'd leave behind next time - my camera strap. the little fella made it into wayyyyyyy too many of my photos. how, i'm not exactly sure. but he didn't even smile.

what this means is that in the next several days, i will make a concerted effort to scan some of the better (and worse) ones and i'll actually blog again. truth be told i've been feeling pretty bummed about being back and what the heck i'm gonna do with my life. and watching episodes of smallville isn't making me feel any better about the state of the world.

hopefully my strappy friend didn't make his way onto catherine's 18 rolls. boooooooo.

[ note: I never scanned any of my photos. Sorry. Digital camera for the next trip, I promise. ]